


The Hat

by dannykkrose



Category: X-Men Evolution
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, We love this show, no disrespect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 05:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18329516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannykkrose/pseuds/dannykkrose
Summary: The Evolution X-Men deal with villain in a hat.My little daughter requested a funny story which included: Wolverine and Sabretooth, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, and Mystique with a hat.





	The Hat

**Author's Note:**

> My little daughter requested a funny story which included: Wolverine and Sabretooth, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, and Mystique with a hat. So here you go. Don't judge. It was written for my 6 year old, so use your own discretion but it's probably fine for kids to read.
> 
> Standard disclaimer: I don’t own any characters mentioned in this story. 
> 
> This is rather tongue-in-cheek, meant to be humorous, and in no way intends any disrespect to the show or characters. We love this show. There is a character mentioned from another show and since I don’t want to get sued, the person’s name is very slightly changed, but you can probably figure out who it is. It’s not like it’s cleverly disguised. It’s just supposed to be silly and fun.

A giant boom shook the Xavier Institute in the middle of the night. The young X-Men woke up, startled, but quickly assembled in their team uniforms. They were ready to fight whatever was coming their way.

As the group walked cautiously towards the main door, Wolverine sniffed the air and snarled. 

“Sabretooth,” he growled. Then he bolted out the door and drove off on his motorcycle into the night.

The kids looked at one another in surprise. Their teacher had deserted them! This left them alone to deal with their nemesis, who was even now shaking down the walls.

The team ran outside. Jean began to scan the area looking for the villain.

“There!” shouted Scott, pointing to the driveway. A huge beast lumbered towards them. It was covered in long green hair, was the size of a dinosaur, and had big teeth and powerful legs.

They were kind of scared, but also ready to battle. Scott used his eye beams to shoot lasers at it, but they seemed to just tickle the creature.

“Eye beams!” Scott shouted as he ran towards the creature. “Eye beams!”

Jean concentrated her psi-powers on the beast, floating gracefully above the ground. Her powers seemed to have no effect on it, and the creature continued lumbering towards the mansion. Spike threw his spikes but the creature’s fur was too thick for them to penetrate. One by one, they all found their powers were no use against the huge monster. 

“Change of plan,” Scott announced. "We need to divert it away from the mansion.“

"Good idea,” Kurt said, “Let’s try to get it to the cliff. Maybe we can push it over. Maybe we can lure it there with food!”

“Yeah, and like, maybe it can’t swim,” Kitty agreed.

The team started running in front of the monster, and heading towards the cliff area behind the mansion. Their plan seemed to be working, as the beast turned and began to follow them. Scott continued to blast it, and Bobby used his powers to shoot useless freeze rays at it.

“Bobby, your freeze rays aren’t doing any good. You’re wasting our time!” Scott admonished in his best authoritarian voice.

“Your eye beams aren’t doing anything, either,” Bobby retorted.

“But they look cool,” Scott said.

Iceman paused to consider. “Okay, you’re right. They do look cool. Keep shooting it.”

They lured the creature to the cliffs, but weren’t sure now how they would get it to go over the edge. They weren’t strong enough to push it over, and most of them couldn’t hover out over the water. Jean could, and did. Iceman created a bridge to stand on and the rest of the team ran out there. Kurt began teleporting repeatedly in front of the creature, trying to get it to follow him over the cliff. 

Just as they thought the monster was going to step off the cliff, a mysterious figure appeared from the woods nearby.

“What are you doing to my little pet?” the mysterious person asked. Kitty recognized the stranger as Chris Gratt, one of the Gratt brothers. Known as the “Wild Gratts,” they were animal experts they’d seen in a video at school about endangered animals.

“What’s Chris Gratt doing here?” cried Kurt.

“Yeah, and where’s Martin? Those dudes never go anywhere alone. I bet that’s not Chris Gratt at all!” yelled Rogue, who had figured out something very important.

Chris Gratt laughed menacingly, then changed shape. He was Mystique! She was dressed in a safari outfit, complete with hat and boots, as if she’d been out on the African plains.

“I knew it!” said Rogue. "Chris Gratt was Mystique all along! She’s always up to no good!“ She balled up her fists and called to Mystique, "What’ve you done with Chris Gratt ?”

“Oh, he’s fine. He’s filming his next miniseries,” said Mystique blandly. She stood with one hand on her hip and her head cocked curiously to the side.

“Fine, but what are you doing here?” Kurt asked. 

“And what is this thing that’s attacking us?” Kitty said.

“Oh, this is just one of my special little pets. He got out this evening and wandered away. Luckily I found him before you X-nerds killed him.” She petted the creature’s foreleg and it growled.

“Take off that ridiculous hat, Mystique, and tell us what this is really about!” Jean said, landing on the cliff top.

“Ja, ’mother’ take off the hat!” Kurt said with contempt. Mystique may have been his biological mother, but she never acted like one. 

“I will never take this hat off!” Mystique cried. "For behold, it gives me the power…“ she raised her arms to the sky, "to control animals!!!” She laughed another evil laugh as forest creatures came running out of the woods and gathered around her.

“So, does this mean you’re Snow White now?” asked Spike.

Mystique snarled at him, lowered her arms, and swept the animals away into the night. She disappeared into the woods behind the animals, as the giant beast followed behind, shaking the ground as it lumbered away.

“Well that was weird,” Kitty observed.

“Ja. What was up with Mystique?” asked Kurt.

“I don’t know,” said Scott, “But I’m sure she’s up to no good.”

‘Well, duh, didn’t I just say that?“ Rogue complained, crossing her arms in front of her and pouting a little.

The team returned to the X-mansion and went back to bed. 

The next morning, Professor Xavier woke up well rested. He went down to the dining room where the kids were tired and groggy.

"Well, kids, you look like you’ve had a bad night. Whatever is the matter?” he asked them cheerfully.

“A huge monster attacked the mansion, controlled by Mystique dressed as Chris Gratt, and Wolverine ran away to fight Sabretooth,” explained Scott.

“Mmm,” muttered the Professor, steepling his fingers in concentration. "I see. Be careful. She’s always up to no good.“

"I already said that!” Rogue said bitterly.

The professor rolled into his study to work, and suddenly his paperclips began to levitate! Professor Xavier’s mouth dropped open in shock as Magneto, his arch rival, eternal nemesis, and sometimes best friend suddenly appeared in the window, only his helmet visible. 

“May I come in, Charles?” Magneto asked in a hollow voice, as he floated outside the window.

“I suppose so, Magneto,” said the professor as he backed away from the window. But it was no use, Magneto used his powers to spin the professor in circles.

“Why must you do that every time we meet, Magneto?”

“Mwuahahahaha!” laughed the evil villain. "I know you had a visit last night from my colleague.“

"Mystique!”

“Yes. I cut my ski trip short to warn you. Her creature is loose again. It will attempt to strike your mansion again tonight.”

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Xavier, studying his enemy closely.

“Good bye, Charles,” said Magneto as he floated away.

“Hm,” thought Xavier. “I probably shouldn’t tell the others. It will only scare them.”

That day at school, the kids had a hard time paying attention. They were very tired from the previous night’s battle. When classes were finally over, they went home, eager to rest. In the back yard, Wolverine was fighting with Sabretooth. 

“Oh no, Sabretooth is here again!” cried Jean.

“We better go help Logan fight him! You know how much he likes it when we do that!” Scott exclaimed.

The team ran into the backyard, where Wolverine was angry to see them. “Let me fight my own battles!” he snapped, brandishing his claws at them.

“But that’s not Sabretooth!” yelled Rogue. "That’s Mystique! Smell her!“

Wolverine sniffed the air and growled, "Mystique. I should have known. What do you want?”

“I came to get my hat back. Someone stole it and I need it,” Mystique replied, not letting her guard down.

“No one here stole your hat!” yelled Jean as she tried unsuccessfully to use telekinesis to stop Mystique from leaving.

“Ja, you were still wearing it when you ran away!” Kurt said.

Scott shot eye beams at her, but it was no use. She turned and ran into the woods before anyone could stop her.

That night, deafening boom noises again split the air. Startled awake again, the kids leaped into action. They met in the foyer to fight their attacker. 

Suddenly, Wolverine sniffed the air. "Sabretooth,“ he growled. Then he fled into the night on his motorcycle.

"Not again,” muttered Kurt, shaking his head.

“Seriously, it’s like, every night now,” agreed Kitty.

“Let’s go fight this monster again,” said Spike.

The team ran outside, where they saw the terrible monster from the first night. This time it was charging towards them, bellowing and snorting. The team ran towards the cliff again. Kurt teleported as he did before, and this time, the creature seemed definitely headed to fall over the cliff. 

“Oh no!” yelled Jean, “It’s Mystique!” and the monster suddenly shapeshifted into Mystique.

“Where is my hat?!” she screamed, her face contorted in rage.

“We don’t have your hat!” Scott yelled back. "You probably just dropped it in the woods, did you ever think of that?“

Mystique pouted, but agreed to go look in the woods with the team. They searched the woods along the path Mystique had walked earlier, when suddenly, there was a terrible crashing sound. 

"Look out!” cried Spike, as a huge creature came rushing out of the underbrush. It was a wild boar, and on its head was Mystique’s hat! The boar was followed by hundreds of chipmunks, all chattering wildly and leaping at the boar. As it rushed past, Kurt grabbed the hat and threw it at Mystique. She caught it, and laughed menacingly. 

“At last! I have the power to control animals! Again!” And she ran off into the night.


End file.
